Long Distance Sucks

Too often I see military wives and girlfriends trying so hard to play the tough wife. Some simply act like they’re having a good time with or without their husband/bf, and others go as far as to make fun of and put down those who feel and/or act depressed about their love not only being across the world, but potentially in harms way. “Oh, you’re husband is only deployed for 9 months? That’s short!”

Excuse me, did you just say 9 months away from the person you LOVE is ‘short’!? I know we’re supposed to be used to the distance and all but lets not kid ourselves, that’s a long freakin time! We’re allowed to be sad and miss our significant other, no matter how often you’ve been through it, or how busy you are or how many people are there for you and ‘understand’ how you feel. Being away from the person you love is not supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to be miserable and tough and heartbreaking. It sucks!! 

But the homecoming though… 😍 I always keep the end in mind,, that’s what makes all of that torture worth it- the butterflies and excitement to see them, falling in love all over again. We get to experience the honeymoon phase multiple times throughout our relationship- and that kind of excitement never gets old. 

Why are so many women afraid to let themselves be vulnerable? Pushing back the depression and stress is only going to cause resentment, so we might as well let ourselves feel it.

Make those stupid countdowns. Put up pictures. Save cute texts. Write letters to him and make him write back (my husband hates writing :p). Makes plans, even if they’re silly and you might never be able to do any of them (we planned a trip to Europe last summer, never got to go but it was exciting talking about it). And most importantly, just let yourself be sad every once in a while, because seriously, if you didn’t miss your s/o then you would have no business being with them. 

Deployment is not a part of this lifestyle that a military wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend tends to look forward to. We’re not numb to it. It never gets easier. It’s scary. It’s depressing. It’s stressful. But we love our military man/woman. And we’re willing to endure this pain for them. Don’t water down the meaning behind waiting for them by acting like this doesn’t/shouldn’t affect you, because that’s what makes you strong. It’s what makes your relationship strong! 

I’ll Follow Him

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Two Years Later…

We recently celebrated our two year anniversary. We have about two years left of military life before husband’s five year contract is up.

Somehow we managed to deal with just a single three month deployment. I can’t say that disappoints me. Dodging all those lonely nights has been my biggest accomplishment since becoming a married woman. (I’m only half joking).

I’ve realized the military life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The self-entitled over-opinionated military wives this “support” group consists of isn’t exactly my cup of tea. I find that the most degrading word you can use to describe a military wife is most often used by military wives. I can’t count how many online forums I’ve read about stay at home wives/moms being branded with the ugly title of ‘dependa’. It’s disgusting, what women today are willing to say as a means to devalue another in efforts to raise their own importance.

I’m a regular housewife. I don’t have kids. I don’t work, and I haven’t yet started college. The reasons for that are my business, and I don’t feel the need to explain my life to anyone. But if I were to dare admit in one of these “support groups” that I live a simple life focusing on myself and taking care of my home, I’d get comments such as “you should be ashamed” “why don’t you get a job” “please stop being lazy” “there is no excuse”. I know this because I’ve read these exact comments directed towards a poor woman who just wanted advice on if she should get a job. 

What happened to the grace women used to have? When did it become okay to constantly put down other women in order to feel better about ourselves? This reason (among others) is what keeps me from trying to be a part of this community. You could say I’ve been a bit of a recluse since I moved out here. I’m sure there are plenty of other military wives who are in the same boat, just wasting their time until they can get back to their lives, because if there is a support group full of loving and understanding military wives, I haven’t seen it. 

I have definitely learned a lot in my first two years of marriage, living on our own in the beautiful Eastern Carolina. But I’m ready to go running back to our hometown, where we both grew up and can find all our closest friends and family. I was once dreaming of Carolina, and I know I’ll want to make a few trips back here in the future. 

But nothing beats going home. I’m glad my husband and I are on the same page, wanting to live near our family. It’s not often we strongly disagree with one another.

I’ll Follow Him

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Relocation Jitters

The day before I move. My last day in this house. My last night in this town. 

I’m all packed up and ready to go, with just a few last minute things to do.

I never thought I would go through so many emotions over this in less that 24 hours.

After all the waiting and excitement of being able to leave and be with my husband, it’s starting to hit me. I’m leaving. 

I’m up and leaving EVERYTHING I know behind, taking along nothing but whatever I could shove in to two bags.

Excitement, nerves, worry, guilt, nerves, relief, fear, nerves!!! 

My future is in a cloud, and with a person like me, such a controlling perfectionist, it’s not easy to just chill back and go with it. As much as I’ve been trying to do that, I’m in need of knowing how things will turn out!

What should I wear? Will I like his friends? Will I make some of my own? Can I finish my school work after the stress of the move? Will I be able to get a job? Am I going to be stuck in the house alone all day or night? Will we be able to afford to live comfortably? Are we going to know how to adjust to seeing each other all the time again like we used to? Is this going to make or break our relationship?

I know that it’s normal, I wouldn’t be human if this wasn’t effecting me emotionally. I’m sure once I get there everything will slowly fall in to place, and all these worries will be forgotten.

And if for some reason this experience isn’t totally wonderful, at least I’ll learn a lot from it. I’m growing up. I’m starting my life, and I need to do this. I need to break away from my comfort zone and see what’s out there.

If I don’t, I’ll never know. 

I’ll Follow Him ❤

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Moving Out!

So we’ve been planning to fly me out to NC on the 8th.

Yesterday the hubby went and filed our rental application for this cute little quadruplex in Jacksonville. Well, they approved us, and we can move in on the 1st!

Yayyy, we have an address!!

SO I decided, what’s the point in waiting a week? Why make my husband do all the work getting the house together, and spend time alone in an empty place. I found a plane ticket for Saturday, and I leave at 5am! OMG this was so unexpected!!

It’s finally happening! These lonely nights are over! Figuratively speaking, he could potentially get the night shift. 😛 But no more sleeping alone!

We have absolutely no furniture as of now. We get to sleep on the floor and watch netflix on the computer until we can afford a few things. Haha, camping out in an empty house doesn’t sound like a bad idea to me!

I got his Christmas present, and we get to pick out our first Christmas tree for our first Christmas together ever! We didn’t even get to spend Christmas together as boyfriend and girlfriend, thanks to boot camp! So this is a pretty big deal!

Not to mention we’ll be in our very first house together after so much time apart. ^_^

I’m so sad I have to leave my kitty and puppy behind, but as soon as he gets leave we’re coming back to get our chihuahua! :] I refuse to live without her!

As far as our relationship goes, I can’t say that this has been the easiest marriage.

We’re almost at our one month mark, and as much as I hate to admit it, I understand why so many new military couples fall back on divorce right away. I think it’s just the point that you’re married, so you kind of get a little cocky with each other. It can be tough when he gets an attitude and he’s so far away and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. >_<

It’s definitely tough with the amount of stress the military puts on our men.

But I hear the first couple of years of military marriage are the hardest, and if you can stick it out and stay by each other’s side, it only gets better.

I’ve been working on my patience, which is something I’m not very good at. I may be quiet, but I’ve got an attitude! Don’t be fooled by the pretty face! 😛

But rough times are good in a relationship. I strongly believe that. As much as this distance sucks, it’s really made us closer. We’ve learned to work out our differences, and come to new understandings of each other, and we have both grown so much, not only as a couple but as individuals.

I owe a great deal of that to the military, as much as I hate to admit that! Still holding a small grudge on them for taking my man from me. Haha. 😛

But in less than two days I’ll be in my empty house cuddling on the floor, sippin tea and watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.

Oh, how amazing that sounds. :]]

I’ll Follow Him ❤

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Newlywed

I am now married to the most amazing man I’ve ever known!! 

We spent our last night as boyfriend/girlfriend together. When we woke up we both had pre wedding jitters. A mixture of nerves and excitement. We ate breakfast together, then said goodbye. I spent the day with my mom while he spent the day with his dad. I got my hair done and got ready at home, then rode with my mom dad and brother to the courthouse to meet my husband to be and his family. I was so honored to have them all there, it meant so much to be able to say our vows in front of our family (as scary as that was for both of us). We got a lot of great pictures thanks to my mom and new mother and father in law. 

Afterwards we got a room at our favorite hotel. They gave us the honeymoon suite and we spent the night talking and giggling. It was such a new feeling, calling him my husband and him calling me his wife. 

The question I keep getting asked…

“Do you feel any different?”  Actually, not really! Here’s why…

I already played the role of ‘wifey’ before we got married. I’ve always loved treating my man the way a traditional wife treats her husband; cooking dinner, waking up early to kiss him goodbye, greeting him at the door with a hug and a smile. I’ve always taken this relationship very seriously by being as honest as I could, and doing my best to communicate openly, and always put his needs before anyone else’s.

I noticed we tend to tell ourselves “I don’t need to do this or that, it’s not like we’re married.” We use the lack of commitment as an excuse to be less than decent towards the person we love, and I have to admit, it’s hard to argue with. But what I realized (and I’m glad I did) is that your spouse will treat you the no better than they did when you were dating. In fact, they might even treat you worse (since they’re no longer trying to win you over). I’ve heard about a lot of newly weds already wanting a divorce not even a year after being married. Hell, T’s room mate is already getting a divorce, and they were just barely married for a month. A MONTH! It’s sad. But it’s no question why. 

You hear it all the time. “I’m just not happy anymore.” “He doesn’t make me happy.” “I need to move on so I can be happy”. As if abandoning the person you vowed to be with will automatically take away your pain and suffering just like that. I mean, I’m no expert, but I highly doubt that’s the case. Of course unless they’re completely mean and abusive, but if that’s the case the signs tend to be there before marriage. A lot of women seem to think once you’re married he’ll treat you better. No. You’re making you vows to the person he was before marriage, not the person you hope he is afterwards.

But I have yet to experience the full effects of married life. It’s too bad our honeymoon phase had to be cut short, thanks to the military…

Of course I miss him so much already. He had to leave me yesterday morning. Back to Lejeune for him, and when he can come get me, we don’t know. But we got enough money from family for our first months rent on a house, and we found some gorgeous Mobile homes and town homes that he gets to look at this week.

Not only that, but since he got married his new leader decided to be completely awesome and switched his Job to PMO. That means he’ll be on base for the next 6 months with no deployments! That makes me one happy wifey! 

Saying goodbye to my new husband was definitely tough (as if it’s ever easy). But I’m so happy to be married to the love of my life, and to have our whole future ahead of us!

I have so much to look forward to these next few months, and the many years ahead.

 I’ll Follow him.

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So this is what Responsibility feels like..

I’m starting to get a little frustrated with everything. I think I’m past the point of daydreaming about how perfect our life is going to be together, and I’m at the point where all the realities (in other words difficulties) of our situation are starting to surface.

The very first complication came about a week after T’s leave got approved. This two week leave was requested for him to drive to MN and get married. It wasn’t easy for him to attain after two previously denied requests. SO after it was finally approved and on file I was so excited that I contacted our judge, reserved our wedding day, then applied and paid for our marriage license. 

I got a call from him around 5pm. “They signed me up for a two month training in Colorado”

What!? They can just do that?! After they already approved your leave? They can’t do that!!

“I guess they can.”

THANKFULLY this wasn’t a mandatory training and there were other guys ready and willing to go, so it all got straightened out. That would have not only ruined my trip to see him last weekend, but it also would have canceled our wedding. WHEW! They weren’t kidding when they told me nothing is written in stone.

So then on October 2nd, my 21st birthday, leave it to the Marine Corps to give him duty. Thanks guys, you’re the best! :p 

“I had to talk to my SGT today, because apparently my dad called my CO and told him he doesn’t agree with us getting married.”

Ouch. I knew he had his doubts, but please… Let him make his own decisions. 

I flew out to NC on October 5th. My second time flying, first time flying alone. This is scary stuff for me, I was so nervous! But the flight was nice, and seeing him was absolutely amazing. My favorite part about being long distance is falling in love again every time you’re reunited. We stayed in a motel for four nights, he gave me Precious Moments for my birthday (my favorite), and we got to spend time at the ocean. 

The trip was wonderful, absolute bliss, but we weren’t doing s very good job at keeping track of savings. So now we’re short on money, he drives here in two weeks, we get married in three, and we’re moving in together in about a month or two. STRESS.

And to add to all that I found out that the virtual high school I’ve been working my butt off to make up credits for my diploma is only sponsored in MN. So they’re telling me when I move to NC I can’t stay in their program. I still have about 6 classes to graduate. My plan was to work on school while he went to work, then get a job after I graduate. Now I’m not sure what to do.

I didn’t expect this to be easy. It’s just hard to accept the reality of it, when you start to experience the not so fun parts of playing grown up.

As difficult as this is beginning to be, I have faith in us. I know that we can make it through anything. I mean, we’ve already come this far together, after spending a year in a long distance military relationship.

You’re going to have to throw a lot more obstacles our way if you want to knock us down!

I’ll Follow Him.

 

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The Beginning


It’s weird to think I’ll no longer be a Kasper. All my life I’ve been identified by that name. Kasper the Ghost, it haunted my childhood. Gone will be the days I correct the spelling of both my first AND my last name. Errica with two R’s and Kasper, with a K. In one month I’ll be Mrs. Errica Lynn Springer.

I’ve seen my fiance a total of six days since we got engaged. Six beautiful days of being together celebrating our new commitment. You would think he just proposed to me last week. But no, he asked me to marry him the night of May 27, 2012. That was four months ago. I remember the night like it was yesterday. After a quick trip to the store we were caught in the craziest wind storm I’ve ever experienced in my twenty years of living in Minnesota. He shielded my face from the 100 MPH sand particles as we tried our best to walk to his truck without being blown away. After finally getting home safely we cuddled up in bed to watch a movie. We got in a conversation about babies right before he built up the courage to ask me, without a ring, to be his Wife. “Of course I’ll marry you!”

The next day he went to the store for me and to my surprise, came back with beautiful roses and my engagement ring.

Four days later he was gone. Back to his training station. That’s right, I’ll be married to the military.

Everyone is saying it’s too soon. You date someone in the service for a year, then come to me and tell me about waiting. I know what it means to wait. I’ve earned my waiting degree. Someone who hasn’t spent longer than a week apart from the one they’re with is not about to tell me I’m making a bad decision.

We got together before he joined. It started out as text dating, as my mother called it. We were in different states so we didn’t get to actually see each other the first month of our romance, aside from pictures and videos. We didn’t meet on the internet, we grew up in the same town, went to the same school, and hung out with the same people. But in high school we went separate ways. Him to a church school, me to a new public school, and eventually he moved out of state. Thank goodness for Facebook. He found me online, sent me a message, and we’ve been inseparable ever since. I’m using that term loosely.

We just clicked. We had our first official date on December 5th 2010, and he asked me to be his girl on January 29th 2011. He moved in with me after about two or three months of dating, and we were together for eight months before he left for boot camp. Our relationship wasn’t perfect. We fought. We still fight. What makes us inseparable is we know how to get past it. We drive each other crazy, but we want to be with each other even when we’re miserable. Trust me when I say this, we have what it takes.

The day he left was rough. I was in denial up until that moment he was about to walk out the door. I’d been so busy keeping him motivated and reassuring him that it would all be okay in the end, that I forgot to let myself be vulnerable. The knot in my throat could have stopped my breathing as I wiped away his tears and tried to say goodbye without breaking down. It was hard to let go. “I’ll see you in three months.”

At the time I couldn’t grasp that he was so worked up over leaving me. He has wanted to do this since before I was even in the picture. The Marine Corps was his dream. Even when he told me, “Just say the words and I’ll stay, you’re my dream now” I thought it was mostly nerves. I didn’t realize how important I really was to him. It wasn’t easy, but I refrained from crying. That is, until he walked out the door.

I stood there for a second, then fell to the ground. For the first time I let myself feel it.

For the next three months I would have absolutely no contact with the man I love, aside from old school letters. The worst part of it was he didn’t want to leave me. It was like a break up neither of us wanted. I wrote to him almost every single day. I kept my letters positive and encouraging. As much as I was hurting I couldn’t let him see that. He needed me to be strong for him, he had enough to worry about.

I’ll never forget the feeling, opening the mailbox and seeing that Marine Corps envelope. My heart skipped a beat every time I got a letter. The very first line I read after two weeks of no word from him, “I miss you very much. I hope you know that.” Exactly what I needed to hear to keep me going. I hugged the paper and kissed his signature.

Those nights away from him were lonely. The bed was cold. Most nights I couldn’t sleep. I dreamed of him. My dreams only went as far as us about to touch, or him about to say something. I would wake to the sound of his voice in my ear and the emptiness beside me.

I can do this, just three months.

One month down.

Only one more month!!!

Seeing him as a Marine for the first time was absolutely amazing. Hands down, best day of my life. His grip was tight, his shoulders strong. I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn’t dreaming, that it was really him, and he was really mine!

It was weird to have him with me. I was expecting to meet a whole new person, but he was exactly the same. Just as silly, just as handsome. More sure of himself, and a lot more arrogant, but the same man I fell in love with.

Leave is nothing but a tease. He’s home, and right when you get used to having him next to you, he’s gone again. You always want just one more day, just a few more hours, just a few more minutes to say goodbye… you’re holding each other, wiping his tears and trying not to cry. As soon as you realize it’s time to let go, it’s time to walk away, the tears take on a life of their own.

Some days I absolutely hate the Marine Corps for repeatedly taking him from me. For making seeing each other near impossible. For feeling like I’m single, but living like I’m in an imaginary relationship with someone I used to know. I have it set in my head that after we’re married and I move in with him and we’re together again it’ll be all uphill from there…

In the back of my mind I know I’m dead wrong. I’m moving to a new state, halfway across the country, leaving my friends and family to a place where I know absolutely no one. He could deploy sooner than expected and I could be left to adjust to the new place all on my own. It’s scary.

But after living a year in the life he left behind, it’s damn well worth the risk.

I’ll Follow Him.

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